When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize