Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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