I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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