Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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