I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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