dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
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We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
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I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
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