i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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