Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
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It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
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