someone threw a dead crab at me
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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