He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize