If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
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The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
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