I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
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Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
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Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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