Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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