i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize