sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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