Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
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