Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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