If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Randomize