so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
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My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
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Rumble strips road head = magical
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Never let your siblings swipe right.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize