How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
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I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
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Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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