Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
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There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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