my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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