he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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