Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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