Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
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You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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