Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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