apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
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Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
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on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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