Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
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This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
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