They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
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Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
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I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
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