I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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