So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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