so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
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Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
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Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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