Someone shit on the floor
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize