My first STD was from a foam party
my phone needs a breathalizer
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize