She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
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