You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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