Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
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Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
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Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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