oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
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