I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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