We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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