My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
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