apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
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Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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