I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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