Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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