if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize