ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize