if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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