foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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