Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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