I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
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Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
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well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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